Ok so I’m super stressed about upcoming exams and shit is rolling downhill shit now, into a huge shit heap at the bottom of the cliff I’m about to fall from. I am so pissed about so many things right now I can’t talk to anyone just in case I yell at them unfairly. I can’t even focus my energy enough to cry which is the only thing I want to do right now.
So there’s this guy in one of my classes and he is completely adorable. Blonde, country, a little taller than me, charming, hilarious, and just ughhhhh. He is honestly the first guy I’ve actually fallen for, like I actually realize what the whole flustered-head-over-heels-blushing-cutesy crush thing is. I’ve never liked a guy this way or this much. The only down side is that he lives way out in bum fuck nowhere so he has dial up internet, so the rules out facebook, snapchat, and iMessage. He’s parents are also crazy religious which totally doesn’t bother me because y parents kind of are too, so he doesn’t have a phone. So the downside is no over the summer communication. At all. Grr. But the real problem lies in the fact that I informed my friends of my liking of this fellow and now my one friend in the class is all over him flirting too. She has a boyfriend. Why she’s still trying to flirt and get his attention is beyond me. She is simply doing it so she can win and I won’t get the guy. Quite the friend, I know. She has done his with many of the guys I’ve liked. Flirted with them even if she had no intention of dating them just so I couldn’t. It’s like she has this obsession with winning and proving that she’s skinny, gorgeous, and funny. We all fucking know that. We fucking know. Fuck off. You have a boyfriend and ergo cannot date this guy. Sorry not sorry. He’s mine to flirt with and I want him to like me or not because of me, not because of my bimbo blonde friend always interfering. It’s not fair to your best friend to ruin her chances with a guy whether or not you have a boyfriend. It’s just girl code, common courtesy. Fuck. I just want to date him. And I want you to get fat and get crazy breakouts.
I hate the word ‘sassy’. I abhor it. I loathe it. Do you know why? I’ll tell you why. It gives people an excuse to be flat out rude, mean bitches. ’I’m just sassy, so deal with it.’ I will not deal with you being a total bitch to me all of the time. You are so mean to everyone around you and everyone gives you an excuse, a way out, when all they should be doing is calling you out and hating you because you’re a bitch. I don’t hate you. You’re just rude. Rude and mean. I have spent too many hours crying about things you’ve said to me and I’m really over it. I’m tired of dealing with you. I’m tired of making up excuses for you. I’m tired of getting ignored. Made fun of. Bitched at. Lied to. Not receiving the respect I deserve. I’m just tired of it. You need to take a step back and realize that no one is as rude as you are. If anyone said that shit to you, you would punch them. If you said that shit to anyone else, they would have hung themselves by now. You are so harsh and it’s like a never ending rain of insults. I can’t handle it anymore. I won’t handle it anymore. You are just so rude and I do not comprehend how you don’t realize it. You have completely changed and I miss the old you more than I miss my far away family. You are family too. Or you were. Now I’m embarrassed to bring you into my house for fear of what you’ll say. Just take a look at yourself, before you look at other people. I won’t leave you because I believe you’re still in there under many layers of self-obsessed. But I won’t be taking any more shit from you because I’m exhausted and so is everyone else.
I am not a touchy feely person. I don’t touch you, so why the fuck are you touching me? I’m so pissed I’m practically steaming and you think it’s a bloody good idea to grab my hand, rub it, and correct my grammar? Not the fucking time. Do not touch me. It’s so unnecessary. I would not talk to you or spend time with you if I didn’t like you, so touching is really not necessary. I don’t hate you when I tell you to stop tapping my arm, rubbing my hand, touching my leg, stroking my arm, combing through my hair. Fucking keep your hands to yourself. I like hugging and kissing and shit, but in a normal conversation I’m obviously paying attention to you if I want to and I’m not if I don’t want to. Don’t try to get my attention if I don’t want you to. Don’t get pissed when I ask you not to touch me, it’s a human right to have people respect your space. So get the fuck out of mine.
Finally, my french teacher is fucked. She taught us almost nothing this year and expects us to know everything. There were almost no verb/grammar notes this semester and that is the only thing on the exam. Fuck me. What the hell? How can you have an exam based entirely on things we didn’t do. She hands us a review sheet and half of the shit I don’t even know. I then asked her about the things I didn’t get and she told me either:
A) ‘You learned this last year.’
B) ‘Look at the examples.’
C)’Look through your notes.’
What the hell? how about this crazy idea; TEACH ME YOURSELF. She is honestly insane. We watched YouTube videos of other teachers teaching because she cannot teach. I really fucking hope she retires. Go away. Go fuck yourself. Ugh.
just hate people right now. And my life. Blargh.